You're the Chocolate to my Kosher Bacon
by lilac17
Summary: A collection of one shots involving Rachel and Puck. A glimpse of their lives as a couple.


She got a convertible Lexus for her seventeenth birthday and Puck has to admit that it was a little unfair ("You don't even know how to drive a shift stick"), especially when he is stuck with his old truck. That is not even the worst part. Because she doesn't know how to drive the car (her fathers were trading it for an automatic), he is the one who had to pick her up and take her to school. And damn, the girl likes to arrive at school early. Apparently, being late is not a quality appreciated in Broadway stars, or any star for that matter.

However, something is wrong. Usually, Rachel is waits for him at the front porch and starts running her mouth about how he was fifteen or an hour (but, who's actually counting?), and he has to apologize three times and do that awesome technique where it looks like he's actually listening to what she says.

Today, Puck parks his truck in front of her house and Rachel is nowhere to be seen. He waits five minutes (he's not that worried, really, he's not) before taking his phone from the front pocket of his jeans to send her a text. 'where are u, crazy?' is the first thing it comes to his mind, but he decides to stick with a simple 'waiting on u'.

Ten minutes pass and Puck is almost (key word almost) throwing his phone at something. Rachel isn't answering any of the four texts he sent. (And none of them are dirty or anything.). That was when he sees that something is worse than wrong. It is like 2012 wrong. Rachel always answers his texts. Even when he sends her things like 'skipped power nap, let's make out right now', she makes sure to reply.

After losing his patience (the only CDs in the car belong to Rachel, so it's not like he can listen to anything he likes), Puck gets out of the truck and walks to the front door. He grabs the key that's hidden in one of the plants (climbing the window gets tiring after some time and he has to sneak in somehow.), and opens the door.

When he gets to Rachel's bedroom, he doesn't bother to knock on the door, especially because Rachel may be naked and he doesn't want to interrupt his girlfriend's naked time. For his surprise, Rachel isn't naked and trying to get ready. She is in bed, wearing a pink tank top and black micro shorts. If she didn't have a look of pain on her face, Puck would've thought this is a trick to get him to bed. (Not that he needs any tricks. He's a stud, after all). Her body looks awesome, as always, but her face is plain horrible.

"Shit Berry, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Puck asks without thinking. He regrets it a little when she frowns. "I'm serious." He tries to make his voice sound a little nonchalant and not too concerned. Really, he's trying to be a good boyfriend, and all she does is shake her head and snuggle with one of the many pillows. That is frustrating.

"Nothing is particularly wrong with me, Noah. I'm just in pain at the moment. Sorry I didn't call you and you had to come here for nothing." Rachel apologizes, using more words than necessary, and Puck rolls his eyes. Leave it to Rachel Berry to feel guilty for being sick.

"So, you're not going to school? That's a first, but you look like you're dying so it kinda makes sense." Puck shrugs, feeling a little awkward. Is this the time when he steps up and offers to take care of her or he should just leave?

"No, I'm not going. Daddy already called school. Could you please tell Mr. Schuster I won't be able to rehearse today?" Rachel looks miserable, but Puck doesn't know if it's because she's in pain or because she won't be able to be at Glee today.

"What do you have anyways?" Puck takes a good look at her and concludes that she doesn't have a cold. (Rachel always looks and sounds horrible when she has a cold.) Rachel gives him a look he doesn't understand and sighs.

"I'm just in pain, Noah. I'll be fine."

"Cut the crap, Berry."

Okay, he isn't being as gentle as he can be, but he's getting tired of not getting answers here. She doesn't say anything (again) and Puck starts to feel more pissed off.

"Puck! Will you please go to school?" Puck knows that if Rachel wasn't pissed off before, she is now. The girl never calls him Puck unless she's mad or horny. Unfortunately, he can see that is not the latter.

"Fuck, Rach, you don't need to bust my balls for trying to be a good boyfriend!" Puck fells bad for yelling, but a little appreciation from her would be nice.

"Okay, you want to know what is happening to me? I just started having my period and now I have the most horrible cramps," Rachel groans, feeling a little embarrassed now. Puck grimaces because there are some things he really doesn't need about his girlfriend.

Well, it is always relieving to make sure that Rachel isn't knocked up (there was a time or two when he wasn't very careful), but God, he thinks he isn't ready to hear about Rachel's…period. Puck looks at the door, and wonders if he can just bolt out without looking like a shitty boyfriend. Rachel lets out a small sigh and she looks really fucking adorable when pouting like that.

That's when he makes his decision and kicks off his shoes. He would take off his jeans, but he is pretty sure that Rachel would think that he's trying to take advantage of the situation. It wouldn't be the first time, after all.

"Noah, what are you doing?" Rachel asks when she feels Puck's body against hers. The way his chest is touching her back is amazing, as always, but she's feeling too uncomfortable right now.

"Shh, just relax," Puck whispers, and his hand makes his way to her stomach. She flinches because his hands are really cold. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Why are you doing this?" She turns her head to face him and he uses the opportunity to kiss her on the lips. It's not the hardcore make out session he would like to have, but it's something.

"My sister was a colicky baby and rubbing her stomach would help," he mumbles, kind of hoping that Rachel didn't understand him. The way she smiled indicated that she heard him. Fuck. "Shut up."

"You just get cuter and cuter, don't you?"

"Fuck that. I'm not cute, I'm a badass," Puck snaps, but he continues rubbing her stomach. She's all warm and soft, okay? He would be a pussy if he stopped touching her. Besides, if he takes care of her now, she'll be totally grateful. And then she'll start offering BJs as a thank you, so this is really a win-win situation.

"Okay, you're a badass. You know, I think you should do this every time I'm in pain." She announces, her voice a little brighter than before.

"Whatever," he says, but he really is hiding a grin.

He's not going to say, of course, but cuddling with his crazy hot girlfriend while she wears barely- there shorts seems like a very nice idea.

See, he isn't lying when he tells everyone that his girl is a genius.

He thinks he may love her. Oh, fuck, scratch that. He fucking loves her.


End file.
